I figured that Santa has been described as a Jolly old Elf, and even has more recent lore of leading some sort of elven labor force. But, who are these elves, and really, how would they tie into the modern consumer industry? They wouldn't. So, I actually got Shakespearean on it and envisioned a what a crew of little Pucks might be like on Santa's payroll. Mostly Harmless, but also mostly creepy....
lyrics
Ever wonder how ol’ Santa knows ‘bout everything you do?
Forget that Elf sittin’ on your shelf, ‘cause that ain’t Santa’s crew
See, the Man in Red is the department head of an info phishing team,
with lots and lots of Goblins watching your computer screen.
Now Sauron, Vecna, and Voldemort, can’t hide their scrying eyes,
but Santa’s got a network made of IP super spies.
You’ll never know when they’re taking notes, so pay attention to
how the adds you see on online sites are tailored just for you.
With a Ho, Ho, Ho, the shoppers go,
and Santa’s Goblins have to know
everything you like to do,
so they can sell it back to you.
So don’t you fear ol’ Santa’s team as they keep tabs on you.
They already have your numbers, so there’s nothing you can do.
The Elves may be the toymakers for those who like to play,
but the Goblins have your data, and that never goes away.
With a Ho, Ho, Ho, the shoppers go,
and Santa’s Goblins have to know
everything you like to do,
so they can sell it back to you.
With a Ho, Ho, Ho, the shoppers go,
and Santa’s Goblins have to know
everything you like to do,
so they can sell it back to you.
Fugli is a 23rd level AD&D 1e Bard. Really, he traded his time playing in copious tabletop RPGs for people paying him to sing and play silly (and also some serious) stuff. Tips gratefully accepted.
Celtic-inspired instrumentation, delicate harmonies, and reflective lyrics abound on the sisterly indie-folk duo's debut album. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 26, 2023
Scottish harpist and singer Rachel Newton brings an innovative, intensely emotional touch to traditional music on this dreamy LP. Bandcamp New & Notable Nov 17, 2020
Bright and skipping songs that foreground the sound of the banjo and fingerstyle guitar in music that feels timeless. Bandcamp New & Notable Oct 5, 2020
Tele Novella continue their mystical journey to the heart of lovelorn country & western on their upcoming Kill Rock Stars full-length. Bandcamp New & Notable Jun 29, 2023