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Santa's Goblins

from Mythtery Playing: A Christmas Album by Fugli

/

about

I figured that Santa has been described as a Jolly old Elf, and even has more recent lore of leading some sort of elven labor force. But, who are these elves, and really, how would they tie into the modern consumer industry? They wouldn't. So, I actually got Shakespearean on it and envisioned a what a crew of little Pucks might be like on Santa's payroll. Mostly Harmless, but also mostly creepy....

lyrics

Ever wonder how ol’ Santa knows ‘bout everything you do?
Forget that Elf sittin’ on your shelf, ‘cause that ain’t Santa’s crew
See, the Man in Red is the department head of an info phishing team,
with lots and lots of Goblins watching your computer screen.

Now Sauron, Vecna, and Voldemort, can’t hide their scrying eyes,
but Santa’s got a network made of IP super spies.
You’ll never know when they’re taking notes, so pay attention to
how the adds you see on online sites are tailored just for you.

With a Ho, Ho, Ho, the shoppers go,
and Santa’s Goblins have to know
everything you like to do,
so they can sell it back to you.

So don’t you fear ol’ Santa’s team as they keep tabs on you.
They already have your numbers, so there’s nothing you can do.
The Elves may be the toymakers for those who like to play,

but the Goblins have your data, and that never goes away.

With a Ho, Ho, Ho, the shoppers go,
and Santa’s Goblins have to know
everything you like to do,
so they can sell it back to you.

With a Ho, Ho, Ho, the shoppers go,
and Santa’s Goblins have to know
everything you like to do,
so they can sell it back to you.

so they can sell it back to you.

credits

from Mythtery Playing: A Christmas Album, released October 31, 2021

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Fugli Bella Vista, Arkansas

Fugli is a 23rd level AD&D 1e Bard. Really, he traded his time playing in copious tabletop RPGs for people paying him to sing and play silly (and also some serious) stuff. Tips gratefully accepted.

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